1. Kosmetik Ajaib Markonah
Menjelang Idul Fitri, Markonah tertarik membeli kosmetik mahal asli Paris. Bukan beli dari MLM seperti teman-temannya, tapi kosmetik ajaib yang lebih mahal dari Bobbi Brown, Stila, ataupun Mac.
Si salesgirl memberi garansi, pemakai kosmetik itu akan tampil jauh lebih muda dari usianya.
Setelah berjam-jam duduk di depan meja rias, mengoleskan kosmetik ‘ajaib’ nya, Markonah bertanya kepada Mukidi,
“Mas, sejujurnya berapa tahun kira-kira usiaku sekarang?”
Mukidi memandang lekat-lekat istrinya tercinta.
“Kalau dilihat dari kulitmu, usiamu 20 tahun; rambutmu, hm…18 tahun….penampilanmu; 25 tahun…”
“Ah mas Mukidi pasti cuman menggoda,” Markonah tersipu manja.
“Tunggu dulu sayang, saya ambil kalkulator….. saya jumlahkan dulu ya…
2. Cerita Lucu Hari Ini “Shalat Subuh”
Wakijan sudah insyaf dan mulai rajin ngaji.
“Mas Wakijan, shalat Subuh ada berapa rakaat?” Ustad ngetes.
“4, ustad!”
“Mas Wakijan pulang dulu deh, cari jawaban yang benar.”
Di tengah jalan, Wakijan ketemu Mukidi sahabatnya. Dia lalu bertanya, “Di, menurut kamu shalat Subuh ada berapa rakaat?”
“Ya 2 lah.”
“Wah payah dah, mendingan lu pulang deh. Belajar lagi.”
“Emang kenapa?”
“Nah gw bilang 4 aja masing salah, apalagi 2?”
Hahaha, dari cerita lucu banget ini kamu jadi tahu kan kalau Wakijan juga tukang ngeles dan ngeyel. Apa ketularan Mukidi ya? Emang pantes nih kalau mereka berdua sahabatan!
3. Nginjek Kodok
“Mas tadi waktu bukber pada cekikikan ngomongin kodok apaan sih?” tanya Markonah.
“Dulu sekali, aku, Wakijan, Samingan sowan ke mbah Joyongablak nanyain masalah jodoh,” jawab Mukidi. “Waktu kami pulang, mbah Joyo berpesan, ‘Ati-ati jangan sampai nginjek kodok.'”
“Celakanya, walaupun sudah berhati-hati, Wakijan nginjek kodok,” lanjutnya. “Nggak lama, Samingan juga nginjek kodok. Cuman aku yang selamat sampai rumah tanpa nginjek kodok.”
“Memang kalau nginjek kodok kenapa?”
“Yah tadinya mereka berdua cemas, tapi lama-lama kata-kata Mbah Joyo dianggap cuma takhayul. Eh, lima tahun kemudian setelah mereka kawin bininya jelek-jelek, bawel,” terang Mukidi lagi.
“Rupanya gara-gara nginjek kodok, kata-kata simbah terbukti. Kamu percaya nggak, Nah?” tanyanya.
“Percaya sih mas, aku dulu juga nginjek kodok….”
Oalah… pantesan Markonah bisa punya suami kaya Mukidi. Ternyata gara-gara kutukan kodok toh. Teka-teki itu akhirnya terjawab lewat cerita lucu singkat ini.
Hayooo, para sista ada yang mau niru cerita lucu Mukidi ini? Yang mau punya suami kaya Mukidi, mulai sekarang siap-siap injek kodok ya kaya Markonah.
4. Mukidi Kena Tilang
Mukidi naik motor pulang Jumatan disetop polisi, ”Bapak gak pakai helm, saya tilang…” kata pak polisi tegas.
“Mengapa saya harus pakai helm pak? Saya kan sudah pakai peci?” tanya Mukidi.
“Kalau kecelakaan, helm bisa melindungi kepala Anda,” kata pak polisi sabar….
”Tapi helm kalau jatuh kan bisa pecah pak….sedangkan peci nggak?” jawab Mukidi ngeles……
Ada ada aja ya akal si Mukidi, bikin gemes deh! Harusnya pak polisi jawab lagi, “Pecinya sih nggak, tapi kepala Bapak yang pecah mau nggak pak? Apa mau saya tes dulu?”
Jangan dipraktekin ke polisi ya bro ngeles ala cerita lucu banget ini! Kalau ditilang ya terima aja, jangan malah kamu suap pak polisi, bisa-bisa malah langsung diseret ke penjara lagi.
5. Cerita Lucu Mukidi “Doa Sesudah Makan”
Pulang Jum’atan, Mukidi diajak ustad yang mengisi khutbah siang ini makan siang di Sederhana. Maklum amplop pak ustad siang ini cukup tebal.
“Ayo mas, sikat saja…” kata ustad begitu makanan selesai dihidangkan. Bagaikan musafir yang menemukan air di padang pasir, Mukidi mengawali makan siangnya dengan ayam pop lengkap, lalu gulai kepala ikan, giliran berikutnya udang goreng yang menggoda.
Pak ustad juga tak kalah gesit. Yang penting halal, pikirnya. Lagipula mentraktir orang, besar pahalanya.
Mukidi melengkapi makan siang yang mengesankan itu dengan jus durian. Pak ustad memanggil pelayan untuk menghitung jumlah makanan yang mereka embat. Seperti biasa, si pelayan cekatan sekali menghitung tanpa kalkulator.
“Ustad, apa doanya sesudah makan?” tanya Mukidi sambil mencuci tangan. “Astaghfirullah!” ustad berseru.
“Loh doanya sudah ganti ya? koq astaghfirullah?”
“Bukan! itu doa kalau melihat bon makan siang…”
Pak Ustad sih… gaya-gayaan mau traktir Mukidi. Tapi jangan kapok ya Pak Ustad, kan pahalanya malah jadi dobel, dari ntraktir Mukidi sama dari sering-sering nyebut. Iya kaaaan?
Ada gunanya juga nih gaul sama Mukidi, jadi rajin istighfar! Wkwkwkwk. Yang mau tambah pahala, cari temen yang kaya di cerita lucu bikin ngakak ini ya!
Sumber : www.toplucu.com
10 Easy Steps to Succeed in Your Online Classes
Congratulations Youve made up our minds to pursue your upper schooling, and doing so online is how to pass if you have an interest in a versatile, studentcentered educating manner. Studying online permits you to pursue different pursuits and attend to different responsibilities whilst nonetheless operating your method towards some extent. However, it will now and again imply that its clean to get distracted. Here are 10 clean steps to verify luck on your online categories.
- Connect together with your instructors once conceivable. Even in case you are doing smartly within the category, its extraordinarily vital to increase a rapport together with your trainer. When you do that early on, you temporarily understand what the priorities are within the route, what expectancies the professor has of you and youre going to be motivated to prevail, surer of whats forward and higher ready to do smartly with the impending subject material.
Valuable questions to invite your trainer come with the next
How versatile are you with time limits How versatile are you with grownup freshmen What applied sciences do you employ within the route How to be had are you through e mail and different sorts of verbal exchange How do you put up an internet neighborhood and what are the expectancies for participation in it In addition, since instructors are to be had to lend a hand all over the classes, its all the time just right to have had private touch with the trainer early on. This method, when you wish to have lend a hand, its more straightforward to achieve out and get the help you wish to have.
- Confirm the technical necessities of the route. Online categories can also be very advisable for college kids with busy schedules, however provided that they are able to simply get right of entry to the fabrics. It is vital to obviously perceive what the technical necessities are. So, ahead of the route begins or as quickly thereafter as conceivable, youll want to test that your pc will paintings with the entire online equipment, and that you understand how to navigate them. This will be sure that you dont must spend time all the way through the route attempting to determine the generation.
three. Create a time table and stick with it. Quality online instructors create classes which might be clean to navigate and feature transparent expectancies. Having that roughly easytodealwith framework in position will make learning and succeeding that a lot more straightforward. However, although the framework and necessities of your category arent as transparent, youll create a time table and construction, which is able to very much fortify your probabilities of luck within the route. Using equipment equivalent to Google Calendar is a good way to start out. Knowing how your weeks and months glance and scheduling blocks of analysis time for each and every activity or module will will let you stick with a time table.
four. Ask questionsall the time. When you dont perceive, ask questions. When you do perceive, ask additional questions. Instructors recognize scholars who take part, and if theres a participation or dialogue part a part of the grade, then asking high quality questions is helping guarantee your grade on this space. Even if there isnt a participation part, its all the time helpful to invite inquiries to remember to perceive the fabric and are transparent on what is needed of you.
five. Be arrangedand keep arranged. Students whore taking conventional, campusbased classes most often have a constant time table to observe each and every week, through which study room instruction is adopted through assignments out of doors the category. However, for online classes, scholars will have to search out their very own techniques to stick on most sensible in their paintings. It is crucial that you just be arranged from the start of the semester with the intention to achieve success in an internet route. For instance mark task due dates on your calendar, discover a submitting machine for each online subject material and bodily subject material that is helping you stay monitor of the whole lot simply, and shed light on find out about schedules that duvet sections of the route one by one so youve got an arranged tactic to protecting the semesters subject material as you pass alongside.
- Have a blank, quiet, and constant workspace. One factor online and inclass classes have in not unusual is that scholars all the time want a spot to review or whole assignments this is blank, quiet, and constant. You can select the place that is for youwhether or not its at a espresso store, a college library, a devoted place of business, or at house. Wherever you select to review and whole assignments, you must make it a constant location that doesnt have out of doors distractions. It is basically key that where is quiet and lets you focal point in your paintings with out distractions.
- Do no longer procrastinate. Successful distance freshmen hardly procrastinate. They dont do away with assignments or wait till the final second to write down their papers. Successful online scholars experience freedoms that come with operating at their very own tempo and the facility to finish their paintings in as a lot time because it takes them. On the opposite hand, they know that finishing their assignments is best performed early and on time cramming merely doesnt paintings, and it doesnt will let you retain knowledge longterm. Get began early on getting a success.
eight. Work in your studying comprehension. Successful distance freshmen generally tend to have just right studying comprehension abilities. Most conventional, campusbased scholars concentrate to lectures and take notes, and a few online classes additionally require this. However, the vast majority of distance freshmen are anticipated to grasp subject material thru a large amount of studying. Although far finding out classes be offering video recordings and audio clips, maximum systems require scholars to hide and grasp a considerable amount of written knowledge. If it is a problem for you, it could be very useful to first sign up in a studying comprehension route there are lots of assets online that will help you do that. This ability by myself could make a huge distinction on your luck.
nine. Establish and admire routines that be just right for you. If, for instance, youre employed best within the morning or in brief bursts, then set find out about routines that can help you find out about within the prelunch hours when your mind is contemporary. If, then again, you do best through learning at evening or at the weekends when youll devote nightowl hours or longer blocks in your learning, then make it some degree to take action. Consider how and whilst you paintings best, and enforce a find out about plan that respects the routines that be just right for you.
- Connect together with your friends. Establishing sturdy connections with friends and professors is a very powerful facet of tutorial luck, in addition to skilled development. One of essentially the most rewarding reports in schooling is finding out thru collaboration. Forming significant relationships together with your friends and professors can can help you be told extra, keep motivated, and feature an outlet to specific your personal working out of subject material. So, keep attached thru message forums, chat rooms, e mail, and different digital assets. And take note lots of the other people you meet in faculty shall be conceivable process assets down the road so determine connections and keep in contact
Florida National University gives a wealth of tutorial and professional online classes. Check out the entire choicesyour long run is ready